Rekindling With Former Lovers Is Overrated

Rekindling With Former Lovers Is Overrated

By Waddie G. September 5, 2023

When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, “What was it that you wanted and why didn’t you fight for it?”

Shannon L. Alder

Rekindling with former lovers has become a popular topic of discussion in our society. Many people hold onto the idea that reconnecting with an old flame will bring back the spark that once existed in the relationship. However, the reality is that rekindling with former lovers is often overrated. While it may seem like a good idea to give an old relationship a second chance, there are often more negatives than positives associated with this decision.

One of the main reasons why rekindling with former lovers is overrated is that people often romanticize the past. Memories of happy times from a previous relationship can cloud judgment and make it difficult to objectively evaluate the situation. It is important to remember that relationships end for a reason, and returning to an old flame does not necessarily guarantee a better outcome. It is crucial to take a step back and assess the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place before deciding to pursue a second chance.

In my love life, four occurrences taught me a valuable lesson in leaving past romances and relationships where they belong, in the past. One occurrence was my D***** chapter. I have written about my experiences with him three times, most recently last year, and that story is too exhaustive for this blog post. Another occurrence was falling for an asshole who played mind games with me. Every day that we spent together was hot or cold with him. Returning to him after falling out the first time was one of my biggest mistakes because his hot-and-cold behavior worsened. I felt like a lovelorn fool to give that romance a second shot.

You can’t move forward if you’re still hanging on.

Sue Fitzmaurice

The other two occurrences that fulfill the purpose of this blog post happened during the COVID pandemic. I caught COVID twice in 2021. My first COVID case happened while traveling to Atlanta in January 2021. My second, hopefully final, bout with COVID happened in December 2021 while attempting to travel back home from South Africa. Both instances coincidentally happened after kissing ex-lovers I missed most and considered the “ones who got away.” I broke up with those relationships in 1999 and 2016 respectively because I dealt with depression and bigger challenges during those years. I left both of those lovers with broken hearts, and they informed me about that over the years.

Perhaps breaking their hearts would lead to the karma of catching COVID from both men after failed attempts at seconds chances of love. One was super bitchy and the other was super needy. When my time with both individuals experienced a decline in our affections, I noticed that I only acted differently because their isms annoyed me. Their behaviors changed because they hid their illnesses from me. Both men tried to withhold coughs around me. Both men stopped being affectionate though they desired to remain in my presence. All the while, I never became suspicious until I fell ill days after deciding to put those second chances to rest.

Those assholes gave me COVID. One day, I will forgive them, but not any time soon.

Although the idea of rekindling with former lovers may seem enticing, it is important to consider the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place and weigh the potential risks and benefits. While reconnecting with an ex-partner may have some positive aspects, the negatives often outweigh the positives. Regarding relationships, it is always best to be realistic and evaluate the situation objectively rather than allowing emotions to cloud judgment. Ultimately, it is important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being above the desire to relive past memories.

Once you make the decision to move on, don’t look back. Your destiny will never be found in the rear view mirror.

Mandy Hale
Written By

Waddie G. is the Founding Editor of The G-Listed. Based in New York City, Waddie G.’s writing shows off his biggest passions for pop and gay cultures. Born in Sacramento, raised in Kansas City, developed in Atlanta, and matured in Chicago, Waddie G. is an unabashed foodie, proud R&B junkie, adventurous traveler, serial scribbler, and textbook Virgo. Waddie G. and his content has been featured on the "Wendy Williams Show," TMZ, Grindr, Vice, I-D, Windy City Times, and The Gothamist.